The Power of Self-Talk with guest Shelley Bosworth

In this episode of the Brainy Moms parenting podcast, Dr. Amy and Teri interview female mindset coach Shelley Bosworth of Shelley Bosworth Coaching and host of The Successful Ladies Escape Lounge on Facebook.  Shelley shares how our years of negative self-talk impact how we approach challenges in life and that we can learn to reframe our thoughts and the way we speak to ourselves in order to create a mindset that moves us forward. She says that so many women want more out of their lives but just don’t know how to approach getting there. Her coaching and free Facebook support group helps women with mindset, motivation, and momentum for experiencing and achieving success.  

Read the transcript and show notes for this episode:

EPISODE 120
The Power of Self-Talk
with guest Shelley Bosworth

Dr. Amy Moore:

Hi, and welcome to this episode of Brainy Moms. I’m Dr. Amy Moore here with my co-host Teri Miller, and we are coming to you today from a beautiful and sunny Colorado. We’re so excited to welcome our guest today, Shelley Bosworth. Shelley is an ex-corporate, straight talking, action driving ICF accredited female mindset coach who helps women who want more to believe they can be, do, or have exactly that. She’s the creator of the upcoming coaching and mentoring program called The Mastermind for Successful Ladies to develop your mindset and move from self-doubt to self-belief.

Teri Miller:

Welcome, Shelley.

Shelley Bosworth:

Thank you so much for having me. It’s a delight to be here, it really is.

Teri Miller:

So glad you’re here. And we want to hear all about your work and the exciting things that you have going on. But before we get into that, just give our listeners a little inside peek, tell us your personal story, your story that, just a quick recap, what brought you to where you are today and what you’re doing?

Shelley Bosworth:

Yeah, okay. So I won’t give you the whole life story, you don’t need that. But let me just kind of give you the background context. So as you said, Amy, I’m ex-corporate, okay? And that’s the intro piece. So I’ve got a 25-year corporate career behind me. And I guess my upbringing was that standard societal, you work hard at school. Do well in your exams. Get a good job, nice house, nice pension, benefits package. And I followed that path, that was very normal for me. And I at quite a young age showed a little bit of ambition let’s say. Eldest of four girls, made a decision very young, “I’m not getting married. I’m not having children. I’m going to have a really big career.” I was really young when I started, but actually that was kind of the path I took.

Shelley Bosworth:

And I loved my corporate career. I worked for a bunch of high street retailers here in the UK. I then moved into the food and beverage industry, and I had an incredible career and I climbed that ladder. I worked very hard. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I might have kind of got close to that burnout point a few times, and that’s quite important to the story. But I was really happy all the way through my career. I grew, I developed. I was fortunate to have the support of the businesses I worked with to develop and grow. And that’s where I had my first experience of coaching. So actually I was fortunate to have a coach in my executive role if you like, but things changed. So bit of a late developer, I met my husband, I got married. So, and then I turned 40. We married, I turned 40 and I had a health scare.

Shelley Bosworth:

And I won’t go into that health scare, but it was a trigger point. It was a moment of, “Ooh, hang on a second. Actually, maybe I need to think about things a little bit differently. I’ve been working very long hours. I worked away a lot in the role I did.” Alongside that my father-in-law was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s as well at a relatively young age. So things were changing in my life. Having had a very busy social life, social bunny that I was, very successful, but things were changing and I was starting to ask different questions. I was guess I was starting to say, “Is it worth it?” And what I meant by that was, is it worth working all these hours? Is it worth being away as much as I am?

Shelley Bosworth:

To the outside world we had a wonderful life, very nice home, very nice car, very nice holidays, nice meals. All the kind of material stuff.

Shelley Bosworth:

My father-in-law deteriorated quite quickly. And that was quite a wake up call for me and my husband. My husband was in the corporate world, is in the corporate world, I should say. And so my father-in-law deteriorated. And of course, as anyone I’m sure that’s been through that journey, any journey actually like that, it gets you just thinking a bit differently. So I think my father-in-law passed away and then you can write it, nine months later my mother-in-law was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and three months later she passed away. Now I don’t say that in a woe is me way. The reason I tell that part, and I had a really close relationship with my in-laws. I got on brilliantly with my mother-in-law. I know many women might not be able to say that, might not say that. And it was a real, that was kind of that fourth trigger of something needs to shift.

Shelley Bosworth:

I was working away when my mother-in-law was diagnosed. So all these little things, and adding to that, just things. I guess I was starting to open my eyes to a lot more stuff. And so I announced, and it was my mother-in-law’s zeal. I announced that, “Actually I’m not sure if this is what I want forever anymore, actually.” I’ve still got quite a long way ahead of me and I don’t feel as fulfilled. I wasn’t miserable, I didn’t feel as fulfilled. In my role, so I got hair in my mouth, in the roles I did I always had big teams of people. So the thing I loved the most about what I did was my teams, helping people be the best that they could be. In fact, it was what I was really good at. I kind of built my career on great people.

Shelley Bosworth:

And so it became a really natural thing for me to explore coaching. I had a coach as I said, and that had always been there in the back of my mind, actually, I want to do a bit of what that person did. I help someone in that way. So explored coaching, life coaching, what would that look like? I lept in, if I’m honest, it just, it spoke to me. And so it was a really quick decision. I started training. I continued working my corporate role while I was training. I did a diploma. So the ICF accredited diploma in Personal Performance Coaching. And the plan was that I would build this little side hustle, and over the next three to five years, maybe I’d leave my corporate role. I qualified in June 2019. My mother-in-law had just passed away and I left my corporate role at the end of December 2019. So, and it was actually really, it was a mutual decision with my husband.

Shelley Bosworth:

It was a real, “Life is short.” And if we’ve learned anything in the previous two years, and I know we’ve all obviously been through a heck of a journey in the last 18 months, but this was before anyone knew what was on the horizon for us. We were in a real kind of life is short. Actually, if I don’t do this now very quickly, I’m going to be back where I was, not unhappy, not fulfilled, working really long hours. What’s it really all for? Is that what I really want for the long term? And we’d really changed our priorities. So we’ve got some bigger ambitions for our life. And so yeah, I embarked on Shelley Bosworth Coaching. Went all in. I set the business up in the summer of 2019. I went all in, in the January of 2020. Think we all know what came next.

Shelley Bosworth:

So it’s been a very interesting first 18 months in business. But you know what, I often say to people, “If I’d known in December 2019 what was coming around the corner, truth is I wouldn’t have left. I wouldn’t have left my corporate role. I wouldn’t have left that set in insecurity.” So I’m darn glad I didn’t know, because actually I am so glad I left and I’m so glad I get to do what I get to do now. And has it been easy? Of course not. But then I don’t think anyone that runs their own business would say that the first year is easy. I just had a little additional curve ball thrown in. I love what I get to do. I love working with women that I work with now. I had so many light bulbs and I’m sure we’ll talk about this a bit more.

Shelley Bosworth:

Actually I’ve found myself in that mindset of reading a bit. Because that has been the game changer for me. And so I’ve naturally moved into that arena because I’m so passionate about helping others have the light bulb moments that I’ve had over, not just the last 18 months, actually since the day I started the diploma, the personal performance life coaching diploma. So three and a bit years ago.

 

So that’s the whistlestop story of how I come to be here with a big smile on my face and forever grateful for a supportive husband, that the difficulties that we’ve had showing me that there’s a different way, and we can come through that and learn so much from it.

Dr. Amy Moore:

I love that you said you’re glad that you didn’t know. Which actually illustrates the power of mindset as well, doesn’t it? And so, mindset’s your focus, and I love that you said to us that understanding the power of your mindset doesn’t have to be a deep spiritual awakening. We see mindset research, mindset memes, we hear talking about mindset all of the time, but I want to hear your philosophy on that?

Shelley Bosworth:

Yeah okay. The reason I’m quite passionate about that. So I’m ex-corporate, I am very practical. I am very straight looking. I like kind of facts. I like to understand stuff, I need a bit of evidence behind things. And I guess the piece for me was, I’ve had some huge mindset awakenings, but I haven’t had a deep spiritual awakening. And I am incredibly respectful of people on a spiritual journey who have had that awakening. That’s not been my path. And actually I’m really happy to share a particular moment for me. So for me, I had a particular light bulb moment in the middle of the street, genuinely stopped in my tracks with a moment of, “Oh my God, now it all makes sense.” And I guess it was all this stuff swishing around, stuff I’d been learning, understanding kind of how our brains work.

Shelley Bosworth:

I’m not a neuroscientist or anything like that, in that arena. But I study, I read and understanding how our brains work and the logical side of the mindset. So the piece that says, “Actually some of the things that your parents might have said to you or your teachers might have said to you, can have a deeply ingrained impact on you. And you might not realize that until 30 years later when something comes up for you.” And that was one of my big light bulb moments. That doesn’t have to be a big spiritual awakening. Actually, what it can be, is just starting to listen to what’s going on here in that mind of yours. Starting to hear how you speak to yourself, starting to hear not only how you speak yourself, actually, whose voice it is that you’re hearing when you’re speaking to yourself, and realizing that those things can be triggers and can have such an impact.

Shelley Bosworth:

But more than that, that you can do something about it. We are living in a world and you just said it, Amy, that we are living in a world where there was a lot going on in the spiritual sense for people. And that’s brilliant, but actually it can feel quite intimidating for those of us that aren’t on that path and that journey. And so I guess I want to speak for the people that are kind of going, you’re sitting there going, “I don’t get that. It doesn’t resonate for me.” And I felt some of that in the beginning. Like, “Should I? Should I feel like that? Should I be seeing things that way? Should I be able to,” forgive me for sounding a little firm. “Should I be able to close my eyes and see things?” It doesn’t work like that for me.

Shelley Bosworth:

But logic does, and understanding that this stuff that went on could be having an impact. Can help me understand why I might behave the way I do. And actually stuff I do right now is having an impact on where my life is going. I hope that answers the question, that kind of pretty logical approach to it.

Teri Miller:

Well, you’re talking psychology. You’re just, this is the logic of psychology, and yeah, understanding that. I love what you just said, “That the voices we hear inside us are not always our own voices.” And you just barely touched on it. You said, “Maybe things your parents said, a teacher said.” Things in our past, and even things that are going on in our present. I think that’s super, super powerful. That sometimes if we’re like, “I’m hearing this thought all the time, all the time.” And on your Instagram, I love your Instagram posts. I love your concept-

Shelley Bosworth:

Thanks very much.

Teri Miller:

You had this one little post. It was so cute. You said something like, “Hey, I need your attention here.” Something like that, or listen up. And then you just pointed to a little line on the screen that says, “Don’t believe everything you think.” And that is so powerful. That’s a big one I’ve been telling myself lately. And I have a magnet on my fridge that says that, “Don’t believe everything you think.” Because so often, dear listener, hear this. So often the things we think, the voices we’re hearing are not a good and gentle or healing or growth voice within us. It’s a voice that has filled our heads from things in the past that maybe haven’t been very helpful. I would love for you to-

Dr. Amy Moore:

Well, let me just come in on that real fast.

Teri Miller:

Yeah, you can.

Dr. Amy Moore:

So, I’m also a counselor and so that’s classic cognitive behavioral therapy that just because you think it doesn’t make it true. And so you have to put those thoughts on trial, right? What evidence do you have for that thought? Absolutely. Anyway, back to you, Teri. Sorry about that.

Teri Miller:

Well it just leads us to our next question. What we want to talk about is, tell us more about the power of self-talk, the importance of learning to hear that inner voice? And then I’m going to take it a step further. Just what you’re saying, Amy, what we’re talking about here, how to know if that voice is your inner voice, how to put your thoughts on trial? Tell us more about that.

Shelley Bosworth:

So I was getting really passionate there, wasn’t I? We all are, we all are. Because actually, Amy, I love what you just talked about there. And I’m [inaudible 00:13:50] this for my clients all the time, the evidence. So that’s that piece around logical thinking. Sometimes the things we’re thinking are total rubbish. I often use the example of, for a very long time people thought the world was flat, they were wrong. And then we learned that actually the world is round. And if they ever believed the world was flat. Not everyone else, even a very long time ago, but it’s a really great example of beliefs. We are told something and we’ll take that on board and believe it to be true. And that can be told something, told feelings, told us how to think how to, so I am so passionate about actually how you know that that’s true, where’s the evidence to that?

Shelley Bosworth:

And to your question, Teri, how do you do that? So I have to say, with the self-talk piece there’s a really conscious self-talk and there’s the unconscious self-talk. Because I don’t know about you two ladies, but I actually talk to myself out loud quite a lot too. I mean, I’ve spent 18 months at home alone for a lot of it too. So definitely having some chats. Because it’s got a bit lonely at times, but equally I definitely talk to myself out loud, and I don’t always say good things to myself when I’m talking out loud. I berate myself for doing something silly, and those out loud, quite conscious statements are as dangerous. Dangerous? Yeah, actually I’m going to go with dangerous, as the inner more subconscious voice that we hear. So I think I have to say to people, actually start there. Start with the stuff you say out loud, because you might surprise yourself when you really listen to just some of the statements that are coming out, actually out there, because everybody talks to themselves. I don’t believe anyone that tells me they don’t. They do, I’m sorry.

Dr. Amy Moore:

Lies, it’s all lies.

Shelley Bosworth:

Yeah.

Teri Miller:

Give us some examples. Let’s talk about examples, just so that our listeners are like, “Oh yeah, I can get ahold of that.” We’re not just talking theory, in practicality, what does that look like?

Shelley Bosworth:

An absolute classic. I do this all the time. So I’m also one of those coaches that’s really honest. I have not got it all sorted. In fact, you find me someone that has, because I’ve got their magic potion, because that’s just not real. So I can often be heard saying, “Come on Shelley, you’re so silly. You’re so stupid.” That’s a classic. I mean, I don’t know anyone that doesn’t say something along those lines of, “Shelley, come on.” Even that, wasn’t Shelley, but you get my point. That classic line of, don’t be so silly. Don’t be ridiculous. Haven’t we all said that to ourselves? Actually I’m not being ridiculous. Don’t be ridiculous when we have a reaction to something. And I do say these things like, “Don’t be ridiculous, Shelley.”

Shelley Bosworth:

But I’m not being ridiculous. I’ve got a reaction to something, I have a feeling. But we take that and we just accept it. We accept that we say these things to ourselves. I mean, that’s all I’ve got in my head now is, don’t be ridiculous. I could hear myself saying it. I can hear myself. I can see myself saying it.

Shelley Bosworth:

Then there is the more subconscious stuff that, “She’s going to think this, or they’re going to think that of me. I’m not good enough for this. I can’t do that. I’ll never be able to. I’m rubbish.” And then all the negative bits. Don’t get me wrong. We can have some really great positive stuff, but let’s be honest, the real challenge in all of this is that we’ve got, and you’ll know this better than me, we’ve all got this deeply ingrained piece to jump to a negative response. We have to work harder at the more positive responses. And so much of that can come from so many things. But what we then do is of course, look for evidence that just continues to tell us, “Well, I’m not good enough. I can’t do that.”

Shelley Bosworth:

And we don’t even try. And so we talk ourselves out of things. So they’re good examples of stuff that I’m sure listeners right now are going, “Oh my God. Yeah, I say that.”

Teri Miller:

I’m going to use, here I’m putting that up on the screen, nobody can see it, but it’s your Instagram posts. So I’m just going to read replacing. Replacing some of those voices that we speak out loud to ourselves, or we think, and this is from your Shelley Bosworth Coaching Instagram page. And so that thought or that voice says, “I’m scared.” And you say, “Let’s change that limiting belief to a growth mindset. Instead of I’m scared, let’s say, ‘What a great opportunity. What a great opportunity to push through whatever,'” change it.

Teri Miller:

Instead of, “I have to,” replace it with, “I get to.” Instead of, “I don’t have enough. I don’t have enough knowledge or followers or resources or strength,” instead of that, remind yourself, “I am enough. I have enough. I can do this.” Instead of, “I don’t know how,” replace it with, “It’s good to learn new things.” So I love that. That is right off of your page. And that is quite information for all of us to remember.

Teri Miller:

We can replace those limiting thoughts and beliefs with positive ones. And it sometimes takes speaking it out loud. Because what’s in our head may not come out. We need to speak it out loud.

Shelley Bosworth:

And actually the power could be in the smallest pieces of, so the, I have to, I remember the day that, and actually someone shared that one with me many… And it was a few years ago. I used to do a hour and a half, two hour commute each way to work if I went to the office, and that could be a bit of a bind. And so it would be, oh God, I have to do two hours each way to work. I have to deal with, we have here in the UK, anyone, any UK listener will know the M25, it’s the car park of motorways. So I have to, and actually reframing that to you, I get to have some time in the car on my own to reflect on my day. I get to listen to Audible and learn new stuff because I didn’t have time to read books because I was working so many hours. So actually that was the first time I really thought about the power of that reframe, and telling myself a different story that could have so much more positive impact on me.

Dr. Amy Moore:

I love that.

Shelley Bosworth:

So Again, just a real practical sense. Yeah.

Dr. Amy Moore:

I tell all of my counseling clients to change “I worry” to “I wonder”.

Shelley Bosworth:

I love that.

Dr. Amy Moore:

Same idea of reframing that. So, absolutely. So talk a little bit more about the power of harnessing that self-talk and the impact that it can have on our lives?

Shelley Bosworth:

Well, I guess the piece here is, and I think it’s really important to remind everyone, this isn’t overnight stuff, most of us are carrying around years of self-talk, whatever that self-talk is. And actually, learning to hear it, catch it, and reframe it is the key to changing the journey, changing the direction. So again, I read huge amounts, but I’m sure many of the listeners have heard of the particular activation system. Our brains are built to protect us. There is absolute, I always use the example of cars in this. I’m not even a car buff by the way, but I always use the car example. So the way that our brain works is of course it seeks out evidence of what we’re thinking. So if we are telling ourself, thinking and speaking all this negative stuff, and of course we look for the evidence that the negative stuff’s true and we’ve all had that example.

Shelley Bosworth:

But actually I use the car example that, when you can’t buy a new car and you decide, so I just bought a nice red Mini and this happened, it absolutely happened. So the minute I’ve decided I’m going to get that red Mini, I’m going to buy that red Mini, came home and low and behold, guess what? I saw loads of red Minis. I hadn’t even noticed the silver BMWs. And that’s because my brain now is always thinking of about this red Mini. We know that’s how it works. But actually when you start to apply that to the language you’re using in the self-talk, actually if you’re speaking better to yourself, saying more positive things, guess what? You start to see more positive things as well.

Shelley Bosworth:

And I used to think, “That doesn’t make sense to me,” but it does make sense because actually I understand the way that our brain has to filter because there’s so much going on around us all the time. Actually it’s there filtering for us, it’s helping us find what we need to find.

Shelley Bosworth:

But it’s our brain, it’s our thought process. We’re in complete control of it without realizing we’re in complete control of it most of the time. So just kind of helping people understand that, but believe it, helps people then start to. And I guess the work I do, I’m like that annoying voice on the shoulder, kind of just going, “Hey, what you just said, listen to what you just said, listen to what you just said.” Because actually the more you listen to what you said, the more you catch the word, the sentences, the statements, the phrases that aren’t serving you well. And then you can make a decision and ultimately straight talking, you get to choose. I can’t do it for you, but I’ll absolutely help you hear it, then you get to choose whether you want to change some of that thought process.

Shelley Bosworth:

And it takes time, you know? And I think we’d all agree that it’s not a one fix and, “Oh, I never think anything negative again.” Actually the more aware you become, it can become, it’s a blessing and a curse, because you can catch yourself more and more often and realize more and more, “God, I can’t believe I say that to myself.” But making that choice too.

Shelley Bosworth:

And I think this is the bit where there can be a misunderstanding that you got to fix it and stop it. And actually that’s not where I come from. It’s awareness of it, catching it and deciding to change it, because the more you do that, the less it happens. I hope that made sense in terms of what I just tried to describe?

Teri Miller:

Yeah, yes.

Dr. Amy Moore:

So, I think it’s important to make a distinction here that you’re not saying, “Hey, put on your rose colored glasses and think positive all the time and life will be great.” Right?

Shelley Bosworth:

I am not. I am absolutely not.

Dr. Amy Moore:

Yeah. So talk a little bit about, okay, life is hard. You’re going to have adverse circumstances, bad things are going to happen. So talk about where you come in with where mindset makes a difference there?

Shelley Bosworth:

So I am absolutely not someone who sits with a smile on their face going, “It’s all good. Just be happy all the time.” That is not realistic. And hey, hasn’t the last 18 months in this world shown us that stuff comes at us that we’re not ready for and can impact us in ways we might never know. And it’s okay to not be okay with that sometimes. In fact, I say, embrace it, embrace it, but don’t sit in it. So acknowledging, it’s that acknowledge piece, the awareness piece again actually. Embrace it and acknowledge it. And then always, always be thankful, I guess, for having that feeling. Because I think that’s really important, but it’s back into that piece, then make a decision. Make a decision where you’re going to go with that, because you can choose to sit, forget the term wallow.

Shelley Bosworth:

You can sit there and let it take over, or you can look at it and think, “Okay, what can I learn from this? What can I take from this there?” Even in the really tough times, and I’ve shared my story and I gave a whistle stop towards the story. There’s been tough times in that. And if I could change, if turn the clock back, of course there’s things that say, “Please don’t take them from us.” But even in all of that we’ve come out with learnings that have made us stronger, that have helped us think about our priorities, what’s important but still positive to come out of that. And I guess that’s where I come from.

Shelley Bosworth:

There is an opportunity in everything to find a positive, and that doesn’t necessarily mean something good. And I guess that’s the other piece around a positive for you, whether that’s a learning or a change in direction or a wake up call or whatever it is. But yeah, I definitely don’t sit in the camp of everything’s rosy and don’t let the bad stuff happen, because that’s not realistic. It’s actually about learning to deal with the tough stuff when it does come up and come back stronger, I guess.

Teri Miller:

Okay. Absolutely. I’m sitting here thinking that there’s power also in, I think arming myself while I’m in a positive place or a good spell before those hard times hit. So I, so honest true confession, I struggle with bouts of depression. I struggle with, I mean, oh, successful leader, woman. The truth is no, I really I go through cycles where I will feel I am a bad mom. I’m a rotten person. An interesting thing that I realized recently and I actually talked to my counselor about, is that I realized when I’m driving and I hear a honk, I have this feeling of fear and anxiety when I’m in that bad place. And I assume that honk is for me. I assume anything that’s going on in the world. I mean, how self-absorbed is that? But that’s kind of what depression is, you know?

Teri Miller:

When you’re in that depressed state, it is very, very self-absorbed, very navel-gazing, but it’s this fear of every horn that honks is at me because I am driving badly. I’m living badly. I’m a bad mom. I’m not enough. I’m too much, all the things, the bad self-talk. And so then I know, I know, listeners, when you are in that bad place, you probably need to seek professional help. You may need to seek medication. You may need to seek exercise, sunlight, vitamin D, supplements, diet changes. A lot of, lot of, lot of things. Self-talk may not just change it.

Teri Miller:

But then in those stronger places, I am listening to you and thinking, “I can begin to drive in the car and hear a honk and say, ‘You know, I am a responsible driver.'” I can tell myself things like, “I am enough. I am strong. I am powerful. I’m a good mommy. I’m a kind person. I’m an encourager. I am lovable.” And literally when I’m driving, I can put headphones in so people will think I’m talking to somebody else. So they won’t-

Shelley Bosworth:

Love that tactic, by the way.

Teri Miller:

Anyway, I can sit there and talk to myself to arm myself for the hard times that will come, for the struggles that may come. And so that self-talk can help strengthen me.

Dr. Amy Moore:

So what does that look like, Shelley? How can we do that?

Shelley Bosworth:

So, you just used the best example. I’m sure we’ve all heard positive affirmations and any listener out on this rolling their eyes right now, that used to be me. Just throw that in there, because the minute someone talked to me about positive affirmations, I thought I had to stand in front of a mirror and feel like a right idiot talking to myself. And actually that’s not the case. That’s a great way of doing it if you want to, but I love the tactic you just shared there. And thank you for being so honest, Teri, and you’re right. It’s really important that we understand that self-talk is just one part, one part of life actually. We’ve all got triggers and we’ve all got mechanisms that work for us. And actually what’s really important is finding the things that work for you as an individual, because we are all different and we all need different things.

Shelley Bosworth:

So I need positive self-talk. I also need exercise. I know that about me. So I need fresh air. I need exercise. So back to you, sorry, Amy, and to question. My belief, my belief and what’s worked for me actually has been that piece around a really simple technique on positive affirmations. I don’t over-complicate things, because it’s absolutely been about not just introducing myself, but telling myself in the exact same way. I’m basically undoing what I’ve been doing. So rather than telling myself all the stuff I’ve been telling myself, all that negative, actually, and I do this out loud, I don’t do it in front of a mirror, for anyone’s interests. I just, I’m not comfortable with it.

Shelley Bosworth:

But I do a lot of, so like the live example I described, I absolutely do that. I can hear myself say, “You’re being ridiculous, Shelley.” Nope, I am not ridiculous. I am feeling this way. I am allowed to have feelings. I am allowed to be upset right now. I am allowed to move through this. I am allowed to feel as I feel, simple as that. And I that is my really simple technique. I just, I keep talking. What I don’t do is try and stop the voice. What I try to do is dial down the negative voice and turn up my positive voice.

Teri Miller:

Oh, that’s it.

Shelley Bosworth:

You’re allowed. You’re allowed to come in. I hear you. But today I choose to listen to this voice louder. And that doesn’t come naturally. I was about to say it didn’t come naturally speak. Do you know what, still doesn’t necessarily come naturally to me, I work at it all the time. And I work with a lot of my clients on it and different ways for different people. So for some that’s not affirmations as we know them. For some that’s writing down. If writing is your thing, there’s real power in writing words down and looking at them on a piece of paper and being able to almost detach yourself from the words on the paper can be really powerful because it can … I’m not going to go into science. Actually it just works better for some people. And so it’s about finding your way. But my belief is that has been the best technique for switching the thinking, switching that negative self-talk, and I call it dial down dial up.

Dr. Amy Moore:

Dial down dial up. I love that. And I also appreciate both of you for pointing out that this is a tool. These are tools in our toolbox-

Shelley Bosworth:

Absolutely.

Dr. Amy Moore:

… that yes, if you are suffering from clinical depression, I am one of those people. So I am on an antidepressant. Happy to admit that. And I’m the master of self-talk, but I still need medication, because I have a clinical depression diagnosis. So we are not saying that self-talk and mindset will cure clinical depression. We are saying, “These are powerful tools to help you manage everything that life throws at you, everything that life throws at you.” So we need to take a quick break and let Teri read a word from our sponsor, LearningRx. And when we come back, Shelley, we want to hear more about what it looks like to work with a coach, and what your upcoming coaching program is all about?

Teri Miller: (reading sponsor ad)

Are you concerned about your child’s reading or spelling performance? Are you worried your child’s reading curriculum isn’t thorough enough? Well, most learning struggles aren’t the results of core curriculum or instruction, they’re typically caused by having cognitive skills that need to be strengthened, skills like auditory processing, memory and processing speed. LearningRx one-on-one brain training programs are designed to target and strengthen the skills that we rely on for reading, spelling, writing, and learning. LearningRx can help you identify which skills may be keeping your child from performing their best. In fact, they worked with more than 100,000 children and adults who want to think and perform better. They’d like to help get your child on the path to a brighter and more confident future. Give LearningRx a call at 866-BRAIN-01, or visit learningrx.com, that’s learningrx.com.

Dr. Amy Moore:

And we’re back, talking to Shelley Bosworth, who is a mindset coach for women. And so, Shelley, I’d like you to tell us more about what that looks like?

Shelley Bosworth:

So, what does that look like? So largely I worked one-to-one with most of my clients. I’m going to touch on a second other ways to work with me. But when I’m working with a client, we tend to work together for a minimum of three months up to kind of six months. And I work in three stages. So we always start with the motivation. What is it that you want to change? What is it that you want your life to look like that it doesn’t look like now? What is it that’s not working for you, so getting really honest about what’s what’s not working.

Shelley Bosworth:

Then we move into the mindset piece. So actually what’s really going on, what’s holding you back. And then we move into what I call the momentum stage, which actually starts put some tactics in place that help you shift and move from where you want to be. So motivation, mindset, momentum.

Shelley Bosworth:

I am really passionate about coaching in its most holistic sense. I don’t tell people what to do. So I’m all about helping people find their own answers. As we spoke about before the break, these are tools, and not every tool is right for every single person. So it’s helping people find the right tools then, excuse me, sorry. It’s helping people identify what’s really going on for them. No judgment, no assumption from my part, just helping them hear that inner voice actually, hear the things that are being said. Because we so often, and I was one of these people before I worked with a coach, we run through lives, walk, probably was running a little bit. Running through life, not hearing the things I was saying, not realizing the impact.

Shelley Bosworth:

So actually holding space for an individual, for female entrepreneur is [inaudible 00:35:36] of it, to speak openly, hear what she’s actually saying, understand the impact and start to realize the impact that’s having on her and then do something about it, wherever that is that she wants to go with that. That’s what coaching reside with me. Hope that kind of explains.

Dr. Amy Moore:

Absolutely. And then you have a brand new program coming out soon?

Shelley Bosworth:

I do, yes, yes. So I’m launching, so I run a free Facebook group, which, is it okay to say listeners-

Dr. Amy Moore:

Absolutely.

Shelley Bosworth:

… please come and find me. So I’ll say it slowly because it’s a bit of a mouthful. The Successful Ladies Escape Lounge. And I started the group probably really for me. I was looking to create a community where I felt it was a safe space to start exploring the stuff that I was learning, and I wanted to share that with people. So it was never about, it’s not about coming in and selling your wares and that kind of thing. It’s absolutely about creating a safe space for women who felt life had got really busy. And actually they are successful in whatever that means for them. And they just wanted somewhere where they could openly talk about, “I want more and I don’t know how to approach that.”

Shelley Bosworth:

And of course that’s where I come in and I challenge and I hope I inspire and I empower. So the new program is kind of coming from there. It’s the Successful Ladies Mindset Mastermind. And in the sense of the word mastermind, it’s about bringing fantastic women together, because actually the power of this is realizing we’re not alone with some of the stuff that’s going on in our mindset as well. Actually so many of us are not necessarily having the same thoughts, but experiencing the same challenges with our mindset.

Shelley Bosworth:

And this is absolutely for female entrepreneurs who have probably been through the honeymoon period, that lovely naive and competence element, we’ve learned lots of stuff. There’s everyone out there wanting to share the strategy. And I’m absolutely in that arena, learning the strategy too. But alongside the strategy we need the mindset piece. We need to understand how do we unlock our mindset to be even further successful actually than just the strategy bit is great.

Shelley Bosworth:

Someone telling you what you need to do. But if you’re over here fearful of doing that, what’s really holding you back? So this program is all about working through, again, still through those steps, motivation, mindset, momentum, but actually really aligning the mindset of all that strategy that some incredible business coaches can help you with. I’ll help you work through, how do you put this into place? How do you make it happen, and how you propel your success through your mindset, rather than letting your mindset hold you back?

Dr. Amy Moore:

And is that going to be available virtually for people all over the world, or what, how can-

Shelley Bosworth:

Yeah, so it will absolutely. So it will have life coaching and mentoring sessions with myself, but it will be run virtually, so it will be open to everyone across 12. It launches in September, it’s off the back of a program I did earlier in the year and some learning. So we’re taking it to the next level. So if you come and follow me on Instagram, all come and join the Successful Ladies Escape Lounge. All details will be coming through the month of August as we move into launch in September. And I’m so excited to be sharing that with everybody.

Dr. Amy Moore:

And your Instagram account is what?

Shelley Bosworth:

I’m very nice and easy to find, @shelleybosworthcoaching for Instagram.

Dr. Amy Moore:

And that’s Shelley, E-Y.

Shelley Bosworth:

E-Y. It is. Yes, it is an E-Y [crosstalk 00:38:58]. Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Amy Moore:

@shelleybosworthcoaching.

Shelley Bosworth:

Yeah, yeah.

Teri Miller:

Your Facebook group here, the Successful Ladies Escape Lounge. I love, I did a request to join. And so I’m now in the group and-

Shelley Bosworth:

Welcome.

Teri Miller:

… I really appreciate. Yeah, yeah, thank you.

Dr. Amy Moore:

I want to join.

Shelley Bosworth:

Come join us, please do come and join us.

Dr. Amy Moore:

I’ll do that right after we hang up.

Teri Miller:

Escape Lounge, yeah. So it’s, I really appreciate that there’s not like 12,000 members, it’s a fairly small group. Number one, I appreciated that. Number two, I really appreciate that right away scrolling through it, one of the members posted something, just asking for advice. What are your tips for when you just start a new job? I’ve been working for three weeks and yada yada ya. And so what I’m not seeing, this is great, listenership you’re going to love this. What I’m not seeing is a lot of women getting on their bragging, talking about how awesome they are, trying to push their programs and entrepreneurial things, trying to sell their self-published book. No, I’m seeing a group of ladies that are seeking help, seeking encouragement. I love your, oh gosh, what was your Wednesday? Your What If Wednesdays.

Shelley Bosworth:

What If Wednesday.

Teri Miller:

And then your Tuesday confidence tips. So there’s these encouragements that are going to come to me, and that’s helpful. And then this place to say, “Hey, I’m struggling with what section side, what would your input be for that?” But we’re not out there grasping for more accolades or something, which gets so exhausting.

Shelley Bosworth:

Thank you so much, Teri, because that fills me with joy to hear you say all of that, because that’s exactly what the group is about. And it is a lovely small group, and actually I’m really proud to say that I know everybody’s name and I probably know something about everybody that’s in the group as well. And some of those members have been with me since the beginning. It’s completely organically grown through the members of the group who share, occasionally I’ve mentioned it [inaudible 00:41:03], come along and find us. I go live in the group every single week and just do a little bit about what’s gone on for me this week or what might be really useful, but actually it’s not about me. It’s absolutely a community of women supporting each other. And I get as much support from all of them as they do from me as the host. So yeah, it’s, I’m very proud of it.

Teri Miller:

Yes.

Dr. Amy Moore:

Wonderful, I’m excited to learn more about it myself by joining. So we are out of time and we do need to wrap up. So this has been a great conversation with Shelley Bosworth today. And we just want to thank you for-

Shelley Bosworth:

Thank you.

Dr. Amy Moore:

… spending your time with us and sharing these great insights. If you would like to connect with Shelley or learn more about mindset and her coaching program, you can visit shelleybosworthcoaching.com. She mentioned her Instagram and Facebook handles, and we will actually put those in the show notes as well.

Dr. Amy Moore:

Thank you so much for listening today. If you like our show, we would absolutely love it if you would give us a five star rating and review on Apple Podcasts. If you would rather watch us, we are on YouTube as well. So we’d love it if you would follow us on social media, @TheBrainyMoms, @dr_amymoore, and @terissamiller. So until next time, look, we know you’re busy moms and we are busy moms, so we are out.

Teri Miller:

See ya.

Show Notes

Connect with Shelley on social media
https://www.instagram.com/shelleybosworthcoaching/
https://www.facebook.com/shelleybosworthcoaching

Join her Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/SuccessfulLadiesEscapeLounge

Visit her website:
https://shelleybosworthcoaching.com/